Time keeps moving on, with or without you

[the_hair]

[the general vibe]

It had been five years, five years that might as well have been a lifetime. They hadn't lost Eddie the first time, they almost had, the same way they'd almost lost Max, but the two of them had recovered just in time for Vecna to rise again, and while they hadn't lost Max the second time, hadn't even come close, they'd definitely lost Eddie.

Something that Steve had tried, repeatedly, to forgive himself for, sometimes he almost managed, but mostly he'd just managed to bury how much it still stung, and in doing so maybe he'd even managed to convince himself that it didn't anymore. Except for the part where he still saw Eddie everywhere, not as often as he had at the beginning, but often enough to make his chest clench every time.

Though now, with all the kids moving on -whether to college or other adventures- and Hawkins becoming more and more of a ghost town over the past few years, Steve finally decided it was time for him to move on, too.

It was harder than he'd expected, mostly because he didn't have any idea of where he wanted to go, but then, unbidden as these things often were, he remembered an exchange he'd had with Eddie, a bare snippet of a conversation when they'd been lying low before that final battle.

"You know Stevie, if this whole saving the world thing doesn't work out, at least we'll always have Paris."
"Sure, but Illinois or Tennessee?"
"Tennessee, obviously, nobody in their right mind moves to Illinois on purpose. Besides, Tennessee's got an Eiffel Tower in it, kind of makes it the superior option, right?"

They'd laughed about it, at the time, sleep-deprived and still fighting, but having given himself three days to think about it, and with no better options coming up in that time, Steve had gone for it and was lucky enough to find both a cheap apartment and a job at a video store -something he knew Robin would laugh about, considering how often they'd both complained about the Family Video- and had managed to settle in.

It was fine, really, things were going as well as could be expected. Except for the fact that he'd started seeing Eddie again.

Leaving the supermarket as he was arriving, across the green at a concert in the park, even just walking by outside the video store, but never close enough or with enough time for Steve to actually stop him and make sure, and if he was being honest with himself, he wasn't really sure he wanted to, since he knew it couldn't actually be Eddie, and how would that conversation even go? 'Hi, I'm Steve, you look like a friend of mine who died saving the world, you want to get a coffee sometime, maybe?' and that was a best case scenario.

Comments

[thefreak]

Officially, Eddie Munson had died over Spring Break. The feds had explained it as, we can't actually come up with a good enough cover story, and also we're sorry for letting you get implicated in a murder that you didn't commit, so here's some money to shut you up and also here's a new identity, now go leave us alone. The part that sucked about the whole thing was, they couldn't even tell Wayne the truth. His uncle had to go on living thinking his nephew was dead.

At least he was convinced that he had died a hero. At least Dustin, who also thought Eddie was dead, was able to tell him that much.

The one positive outcome was that the feds were giving him the choice to relocate anywhere that's at least further than a two hundred mile radius. He thought back to that conversation he had with Steve fucking Harrington, remembered their talk of Paris like maybe it actually meant something, and he settled on Tennessee. Besides, the music scene there was incredible, and even if he could never get a band going for fear that he might be recognized if he attracted too much attention to himself, he could still enjoy the music that others made.

It was still taking some getting used to, answering to his new name. But as it turned out coming up with a background and history felt a little like creating a character in Dungeons & Dragons, and somehow that made it feel less awkward whenever he was introducing himself. He had an easier time throwing out stories, making them sound convincing. Any other person would probably get caught in a web of lies, but Eddie? Eddie had always been good at coming up with extravagant lies, to the point where nobody even bothered pressing him for the truth.

The one perk of his new identity was being given a diploma. Did it hurt a little bit that it was the only way he was going to graduate? Yes. But somehow it ended with him going to college and getting a bachelor's degree, so suck it, Principal Higgins. If he couldn't perform on stage, then he was going to do something with music. He always had an ear for it, and if he were honest with himself he would recognize that he needed something to work towards lest he go insane from boredom with a regular nine to five job.

It was the weekend, which meant that Eddie didn't have classes. Which also meant that he was enjoying a quiet moment to himself at a coffee shop with a book in one hand and mug of coffee in the other. The one drawback to being given a new identity was trying to find friends. He couldn't really afford to have them, and they wouldn't really understand what he had went through, so he didn't bother trying. Besides, he liked the solitude, and kept to himself as often as he could. He was too engrossed in the aforementioned book, Mariel of Redwall, to notice anyone coming in and out of the coffee shop, but was mildly aware every time the bell jingled to indicate someone new was entering.

[the_hair]

It was a Saturday morning, which meant that the coffee shop was busier than Steve was used to it being on the weekday evenings when he was usually there -either just heading into or just getting off of work- but he'd already been up since five doing inventory, an extra shift was an extra shift and he wasn't about to turn it down, especially since it was a shift that was over before the store was actually open, he definitely couldn't argue that.

Of course, it meant that he was in desperate need of caffeine and actual food by the time it was over, and he wasn't about to let the fact of the coffee shop being busy deter him from that.

Though once he had glass mug of coffee in one hand and a massive raspberry lemon muffin in the other, he realized just how busy the place was, and limited on seats, though he made his way around to one of the long tables at the side that looked empty from the counter, realizing only once he rounded the corner that there was, indeed, someone sitting at one end of it and he drew up short, "Excuse me, sorry..." Whatever else he'd been about to say turned into a half-swallowed garble when he realized just who was sitting there, because that was definitely the guy he'd seen in passing more often than he actually wanted to account for, the guy who couldn't possibly be Eddie even despite the resemblance.

Realizing that he'd been quiet for probably a moment too long, he shook his head, giving a laugh that he hoped didn't sound as forced as it felt, "Mush mouth, that's how you can tell I actually need the coffee. I was trying to ask if anyone's sitting here?"

[thefreak]

Eddie didn't look up right away, because he figured it was someone just looking to grab the chair across him. He was going to just wave off whoever it was, except he heard Steve's voice and felt himself freeze automatically.

No matter how much time passed, he would know that voice anywhere. That voice that told him not to be a hero. He told himself that even if he hadn't been halfway to death when the lab found him, he would never have been free to live his life the way he wanted to. Too many people wanted him to be a scapegoat.

His brain caught up too late, and he knew he had been frozen in place for too long by the time he looked up, and he couldn't play it off casually by now. Steve wasn't dumb enough to miss the look of recognition, and as much as Eddie was a good actor, he wasn't that good, especially when caught off guard.

It didn't help that when he finally did open his mouth to reply, his voice cracked as he replied, "Yeah, no. No one's sitting here." And motioned for Steve to take the chair if he wished.

[the_hair]

The thing of it was, that it didn't really matter that Eddie's half-startled acting skills weren't up to his usual level, because Steve had already convinced himself that he wasn't seeing what he was seeing, up to and including that look of recognition, because that could just as easily have been a look of having been in the middle of a paragraph, only to be interrupted by a total stranger, and needing a moment to actually backtrack to hear what had been said.

There was no way it could be Eddie, Steve believed that. He had to.

Or he had to try, because goddammit he also sounded like Eddie, or at least like Steve remembered Eddie sounding, and while he hadn't had any recall problems recently, he also knew how time had a way of warping things, which was why he just smiled in return, even though he knew the expression was brittle as hell, it might manage to look genuine, "Thanks, appreciate it, sorry for interrupting."

He dragged the chair as quietly as he could to the other end of the table so that he wasn't sitting directly across from definitely-not-Eddie, setting down his own breakfast and pulling a crossword puzzle book and a pen out of his back pocket, brow creasing as he settled in to eat and make sure his brain was still working as quietly as he could.

The problem was that he was still close enough to be hyperaware of can't-possibly-be-Eddie, despite being out of arm's reach, which mostly meant that he was picking his muffin to pieces and only eating part of it and having to re-read even easy clues to make sure he was paying attention to the words.

[thefreak]

This was insane. How was Eddie meant to keep up this charade when Steve fucking Harrington was sitting just out of arm's reach? How was Steve acting like this was even the remotest bit normal?

Sure, Eddie looked a little different from the last time they saw each other, with Eddie's hair being shorn shorter, and trying to wear clothes that were closer to grunge than metal in style. Long sleeves to cover up his tattoos and no cropped tops to make sure his scars weren't visible. Even so, he thought for sure he still looked like Eddie Munson, even if that wasn't the name he went by these days.

And Eddie was doing a terrible job of pretending this was anything normal with the way he gawked at Steve. How Steve wasn't calling him out, yelling at him for being here all this time, he had no idea.

He went to drink from his mug only to find it disappointingly empty and made a face, scrunching up his nose. He glanced up at Steve and chewed on his lip as he considered just leaving and finding another coffee spot before realizing that no, now that he had Steve within his radar there was no chance in hell he was giving it up that easily. Not when they met by accident. There was no way the suits were going to be able to argue he had to be moved again just over a conversation in a coffee shop.

"Save my seat while I get myself a refill, yeah?"

[the_hair]

It was Steve's turn to look startled, but he managed another smile all the same, nodding, "Yeah, yeah of course." Luckily the rush that had been going on when Steve arrived seemed to have ebbed considerably, and he didn't actually have to defend the guy's seat against anyone, and it was once he returned that Steve smiled that brittle smile again -the one that he hoped looked genuine even though it felt like it was going to snap right off his face- even as he said, "Okay, I know this is going to sound insane, but I'm going to kick myself later if I don't at least ask."

He shook his head then, not letting himself get sidetracked so early on, "But do you have, um, family? Out in Indiana?" Another head shake, scratching behind his ear, "It's just, you look like a friend of mine, and that's the only reason I can think of." At least it was the only one that made even a small amount of sense, and sure, being some kind of distant cousin wouldn't exactly explain the resemblance, but it would be a start.

The question was followed by a laugh that felt just as brittle as the smile did, giving another head-shake, "And hi, I'm Steve, and I swear this isn't usually how I start conversations with strangers."

[thefreak]

Steve caught him off guard, to the point where he wasn't sure he was able to scramble his expression well enough, to keep it neutral and confused instead of what he was sure was utter devastation. He wanted so badly to come clean, but the fear of being listened in on, the fear that he will be torn away if he admitted who he really was, it was all too much.

He rubbed at his face with hands that were strangely bare. He had spent so long pretending to be this other guy that he simply did not know what to do or how to respond. He couldn't lie to Steve. But he couldn't tell the truth, either. And so he was frozen there, trying to decide how best to respond.

He knew that the fuckers listened in on conversation, but did they have cameras or watchful eyes? Maybe he could clue Steve in, in a different way.

Which was why he placed a finger over his lips and gestured to his ear before slowly rolling up his sleeve to reveal the bat tattoo on his bicep. Sure, there were more tattoos since then, in an attempt to try and make himself less recognizable to anyone who had seen those wanted posters back in Hawkins, but he refused to cover them up completely. Still, he had every faith in Steve, that he would remember what the original tattoo would look like.

But, in case they were listening in, Eddie made sure to continue the conversation as normal, to avoid suspicion. "No, no family. Lived out here in Tennessee my whole life." His face, though, fixed Steve with a look of desperation, willing him to understand what was really going on.

[the_hair]

He hadn't expected that question would be a stumper, though, he supposed if some of the confusion was due to his own audacity, well, that could explain it. But then came the impromptu game of charades, and while he could figure out that the guy meant to be quiet because someone was listening in, he wasn't sure why it mattered.

Until that tattoo was revealed, and yeah, that was definitely something he recognized, and it was enough to have the brittle smile popping off his face, as he'd feared it would, though it was mostly because he couldn't stop the chain of expressions that chased each other across his face. Surprise came first, when the recognition set in, eyes widening and flicking up to definitely-Eddie's face, though it was closely followed by further confusion, brow creasing, and even some kind of betrayal, jaw clenching just briefly, but in the end he slapped another smile on, just in case even as he managed to bite back the 'what the fuck?' that wanted to escape so that he could just respond, "My mistake. Guess you've just got one of those faces. I'll let you get back to your book, sorry."

His brow was still furrowed, mostly trying to determine if the sudden roil of emotion in his chest was going to be a problem, but partly trying to figure out how to ask any kind of question if they were being listened to. Inspiration hit a moment later and he flipped to a new page in his crossword book, concentrating hard as he filled in a few squares before sliding book and pen towards Eddie. The squares he'd filled in were definitely disregarding the clues, since they were What happen? across and: whos listening? down. It wasn't a perfect solution, it was barely a good idea, but it was better than nothing.

[thefreak]

It was painful, watching the way Steve's face morphed between expressions and not being able to reassure him openly. But when Steve showed no signs of running off, and was even playing along with him, Eddie allowed himself to relax, for the moment. He hoped they would be able to find a place where they could talk more easily, but for now this would have to do.

He looked down at the crossword puzzle and raised an eyebrow, looking over at Steve. Taking the pen from him, he wrote in lab across and relocated down, hoping it was enough to get the point across. That the lab had intervened, that he didn't have a choice.

[the_hair]

That first word alone was enough to have his stomach sinking, enough to send ice-cold dread creeping down his spine and he was mostly hoping that he managed not to look utterly stricken. He probably mostly managed it, even, just nodding, tapping the pen against the edge of the book as he considered, finally filling in: experiment? before sliding the book back over again.

He didn't want to think that Eddie had been experimented on, but knew that not knowing whether he had or not would be worse. The gears in his head were already turning, trying to come up with a place they could go to and have an actual conversation about this.

More than anything though he was relieved that Eddie was okay despite it all.

[thefreak]

At Steve's word that he filled in, Eddie's head snaps to look at Steve and quickly shakes his head. Then again, just because he hasn't been directly experimented on doesn't mean he isn't an experiment of some kind. He does feel like they're always watching, monitoring him, making sure he doesn't break the news of what the lab was responsible for, after all.

Which is precisely why he just writes new life instead. That is how they touted it, anyway. That it's a chance for him to start over, have a normal life. But with everything that happened to him, this feels anything but normal.

At least with Steve here, he feels a little closer to that. Just having a friend (although it might be presumptuous of him to assume they even are friends, they barely knew each other before Spring Break) who knows what he's been through feels like it would help tremendously. If only he could actually talk openly to Steve without assuming he's going to be taken away at any moment and relocated once again, this time in a place where Steve is sure to never get to him.

[the_hair]

The immediate denial was enough to have him relaxing a little, because no one deserved that kind of thing, but especially not Eddie. Not that Steve knew him that well, but adding being a lab rat on top of dying -or nearly dying- in the Upside Down would just be adding insult to injury on a massively unfair scale.

It was another long moment of considering, abandoning the puzzle they'd been using to move to a clean one since he was already out of space to use to ask anything worthwhile, brow creasing as he filled in: Eyes and ears? He couldn't imagine that they had cameras on Eddie in a public place like this, or any way of monitoring a business' security camera footage without coming to collect it first, but if Eddie usually stopped in here, and didn't act suspicious after, there would be no reason for them to do so as far as Steve was concerned.

They hadn't been friends then, but they could have been, they'd literally been through hell together after all. Steve had realized sometime the year before, that his whole life was a series of 'could have been', so it felt right somehow that this was too.

[thefreak]

That's the thing: Eddie doesn't know how far reaching their influence is. Just how deeply they're keeping an eye on Eddie. They made him sign all kinds of paperwork, and for the amount of money they left him with, it seems unlikely they wouldn't keep monitoring him.

But however they've been doing it, it hasn't exactly been incredibly obvious. He supposes they wouldn't be doing a good job if they were.

Not sure he writes in, offering Steve a frown and a shrug. He just doesn't want to chance it if they do happen to be bugging the place somehow. Now that he has Steve back in his life by some miracle, he doesn't want to give that up again.

[the_hair]

Well that wasn't great, but it wasn't the worst, either. They could figure out how to work around that, because like hell Steve was going to let this be the last time he actually talked with Eddie.

He just had to figure out a way that they could actually talk, because while this half-baked idea and exchanging notes was working, it wasn't working well enough, and he drummed the pen against the edge of the book again, brow creasing more deeply as he just continued to come up blank.

He leaned back in his seat in something like frustration, a movement that caused the work lanyard hastily stuffed in his front pocket to tumble to the floor with a clatter of 'flair' -something he'd never understood but was happy to roll with- that inspiration struck and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from making any kind of excited noise about it just in case.

He flipped to the front of the crossword book, because he knew there was at least a half page of blank space on the title page, scribbling a quick note before working his name badge free from the lanyard, stuffing the latter back in his pocket and tearing the page out of the book to wrap it around the badge, sliding it over.

They can't stop you from being a good citizen. I lose this sucker a lot, afternoon shift tomorrow, you can return it. Losing his nametag had been an issue even back at Family Video, and he was pretty sure the only reason he hadn't lost his Scoops Ahoy nametag was that the mall had burned down before he had a chance to.

[thefreak]

It had seemed hopeless at first, like the walls were caving in. Eddie wasn't sure he was going to be able to figure out a feasible way for him to seek out Steve without it being incredibly obvious of what he was doing.

Then Steve hands over his badge and the slip of paper with his handwriting on it and Eddie is left with his jaw dropping. He nods, carefully slipping the badge into his jacket so that he doesn't lose it. Suddenly it feels like there is a chance that maybe they can find away out of this seemingly impossible situation. He can't stop the grin from forming on his face, even if he wanted to (which he doesn't).

"Well, good luck with the rest of your crossword. Maybe I'll see you around." He doesn't want to leave, but it'll look suspicious if he hangs around here any longer, and he's still feeling way too paranoid. He needs to go home and formulate a plan so that they aren't just living fabricated meeting by fabricated meeting. Even if Steve doesn't care to have Eddie back in his life, he would still like to be able to have the option, but it does seem like maybe, just maybe, Steve might want to be friends at least. And right now, Eddie could use some friends.

[the_hair]

Steve was grinning as well, wide enough to make his cheeks hurt, though he did manage to reel it back a little, nodding, "Yeah, thanks, um, enjoy your book?"

It only occurred to him the next day as he was clocking in, that he hadn't told Eddie what the afternoon shift was, but he figured with a six hour window, Eddie was bound to land in it somewhere. His co-worker for the day, Janine, was the one who was enough like Robin to be familiar, but still different enough so as not to make him homesick, had sighed at him about the lack of nametag, and had found a 'trainee' badge in the stockroom, muttering something about how he was lucky that he'd been the only one to take on early inventory the day before and could probably get away with losing his nametag this time.

Of course, she also noticed that he was being considerably more attentive to the front door than usual, which he managed to pass off as being alert for a surprise inspection, because of course that was something their manager would spring on the day he'd forgotten his nametag.

[thefreak]

Despite being given very little direction as to when exactly he should plan on dropping the damn badge off, Eddie chooses to drop by shortly after lunch, two pm. He can't help but feel a little paranoid as he opens the door, almost certain that he's about to be cornered by a government agent who figured out that Eddie and Steve reunited.

When no such thing happens, Eddie takes a few steps further into the place, Steve's badge between his fingers as he approaches the counter. He wishes he could shake the feeling like he's being watched. For all he knows they're not paying any attention to him at all. Still, with Steve back in his orbit, he doesn't want to test that theory.

"Um, excuse me? I think one of your employees dropped this."

[the_hair]

Video Palace was no Family Video, but it also wasn't the corporate soullessness of the Blockbuster that was trying to move in, either. The young woman behind the counter regarded Eddie for a moment before tilting her head in a shrug, "Hang on, I'll get him."

That said, she leaned back so that she could turn to holler towards the back of the store, "Hey Steve! You got a mysterious benefactor up here!"

Steve's head popped up over a shelf and he only barely managed to keep his grin in check, instead schooling his expression to something gently puzzled as he returned: "Be right there." He quickly finished shelving the returns he'd been working on before making his way up to the counter, brow creasing a little further as he regarded Eddie himself, trying his damnedest to mask any recognition before he said, "Hi. You're the guy from the coffee shop, right?"

[thefreak]

God, Eddie could have cried then and there when he finds himself face to face with Steve once more. He might have gotten this far without anyone from Hawkins, but now that Steve is within arm's reach, he doesn't want to waste another second without having Steve back in his life. Even if it's just the occasionally friendly visit, a small link back to Hawkins, back to his old life. He pretends that that would be enough.

When in reality, his heart is beating rapidly and feelings start flushing back to the surface, the only telltale sign a light flush to his cheeks as he tries to come off as neutral, or at least as just a stranger who isn't blind to how objectively attractive Steve happens to be.

"Hey, yep, that's me." He manages what he hopes is a neutral grin and leans a little over the counter, dangling the nametag up towards Steve. "You dropped this, thought you might want it back."

[the_hair]

He did grin, then, accepting the badge and setting it face-down on the counter so that he could work the 'trainee' one off his lanyard, replacing it with his own even as he said, "You're a lifesaver. Now I can stop being paranoid that the boss is going to stop in for a visit when I haven't got it on."

Once it was secure he offered a hand across the counter, "Steve, you know, in case you hadn't figured that one out yet." He also hadn't figured out where to go from here, how to actually keep in contact, but that kind of thing had never stopped him before, and he had faith that between the two of them they could figure something out. They just had to do so in a way that seemed natural and wouldn't alert Eddie's... Steve didn't think 'handlers' was the right word in this instance, but he wasn't really sure what else to call them.

[thefreak]

It feels so strange, being so close to Steve, yet still so far away. That he can't even be himself, can't be Eddie Munson, just in case they're being watched. But there Steve is, within arm's reach, and sure they have to pretend they don't know who they really are, but it's the closest Eddie has had to connecting back to his old life.

"Nice to meet you again, Steve." Funny how there is a lot more meaning to that statement than at its surface level. "I'm Zach, and this is the part where I would have slipped you my number if I, uh, had thought about that before and written it down." Might as well go big or go home, right? Since they're both playing a part here, after all.

[the_hair]

"You too." His smile tilted a little in response to the follow-up statement, clicking his tongue against the side of his teeth, "Well I'm pretty sure that means I'm supposed to give you mine instead."

Even as he said so, he plucked a pen out of the cup next to the register, spinning it across the side of his index finger with some kind of gunslinger flourish -which meant it wasn't just an ice cream scoop thing- and thumbed the button on the register to make it spit out a length of receipt paper, tearing it off to scribble down his number as he continued, "Seriously though, I do owe you for this." He flashed Eddie a smile as he handed the slip of paper over, "Coffee's on me next time."

His handwriting wasn't really any better than it had been before, but he'd labeled the number as Steve, the cute one with the missing nametag

[thefreak]

It was just a game they were playing, Eddie reminds himself. That's the only reason Steve is playing along. It's a good way for Eddie to get a means of contacting Steve without it seeming suspicious in case they were being watched somehow.

But the way Steve is looking at him, the way he definitely flirts with him as he writes down his number, the way their fingers brush together as Eddie takes the piece of receipt paper with Steve's number written on it, Eddie isn't sure what to believe now. Especially when he looks down at the paper and sees Steve's not on it. He blinks down at it, looking up at Steve with wide eyes before a smile finally appears and he pockets the piece of paper carefully.

"You'll just have to cash it in then." He nods giving Steve a two-fingered salute. "See you around, Steve." And he means it, too. He's going to do whatever it takes to make sure he can keep seeing Steve. Now that they've reestablished contact, and whatever that was back there, Eddie knows he needs to see this through. He needs to see if he was imagining all of that back there. He flashes Steve one last smile before turning around and making his way towards the exit. Now all he has to do is find a way to contact Steve where he knows he won't be monitored.

[the_hair]

Truthfully Steve wasn't sure how much of it had been part of the game of establishing an alibi and how much had been genuine, and Janine's: "What the fuck was that, Steve?" As soon as Eddie had left didn't help clarify anything, especially when it was followed with: "Did you seriously just flip the script on 'I lost my number, can I have yours?' And did it somehow actually work?"

Because the only answer he had, burying his head in his arms on the counter in a futile attempt to hide the fact that he was blushing, was a half-anguished: "I don't know."

He was tempted to stop in at the coffee shop on the way home just on the off chance that Eddie was there, but knew that he had to let this play out as it would, which meant not deviating from his usual routine, at least not by much. So he went home, only stopping at the bodega on the way for a sandwich and a drink and a pastry that he'd save for breakfast, taking the stairs two at a time once he got to his apartment, mostly hoping that Eddie hadn't tried to call while he was still out.

[thefreak]

The drive back to his own apartment feels like it takes forever. And even though he knows Steve is still on the clock, and he has no reason to rush, he can't help but want to hurry home. It's stupid, incredibly stupid, but he wants to call Steve and pretend for a moment that this is just completely normal. That Steve is just a cute boy that he met randomly who flirted with him and gave him his number.

But the reality is that there is a very big likelihood his phone is being monitored. That doesn't stop him from dialing Steve's number later that night and hoping for the best.

"Please be home," he whispers into the transmitter. He grabs the whole phone and drags it over to the couch so he can lay across the cushions, headset pressed up against his ear as he waits with bated breath to see if Steve will pick up.